(Maggie in her Easter dress)(By Erik)
Alright, alright. It has indeed been some time since I updated this blog. Turns out a baby requires a certain amount of attention. And, when you write for a living, finding the will to write in what little spare time exists isn’t easy.
Jeanie’s back at work now. She actually started last month, but we were blessed to have visits by her parents and her sister and brother-in-law to help us out at the beginning of March. My parents came out from Nashville for a two-week visit after the Jacks returned to Altus.
My sister, Amy, my brother-in-law, Lamar, and their son, Luke, also stayed for a few days. So the two cousins got to meet for the first time. It was a hoot. Luke spent most of his visit being a great, typical 3-year-old. Jeanie and I are really impressed with the progress he’s made since we saw him more after Christmas in 2006. Luke was diagnosed with autism last year. Check out Amy’s blog for updates on his progress. Maggie was fascinated by Luke — almost as much as she’s fascinated by our ceiling fans.
(Admiring the ceiling fan with grandpa)Today Maggie completed her first week of day care. I took her there for the first time on Monday. All I can say about the experience is that it’s a bit like tearing a piece of your own soul away with a pair of salad tongs. (Why salad tongs? No idea, just seems to fit.) Maggie got fussy on her first car ride to day care, but I was an absolute mess. It turned out to be OK. She’s at a great place with great people, from what I can tell.
No parent likes putting his child in day care, I’m guessing. For us, it’s necessary. It’s not just about the money, either. Jeanie and I both are doing what we love. We have jobs we feel passionate about. For me, this is the first time I’ve felt guilty about that passion.
(Aunt Amy with Maggie and Luke)I realize we’re hardly the first couple to use day care. We’re in the same situation as the majority of parents in the U.S., I imagine. Still, it’s a bit difficult for us because, in our Bible class, we see a good number of stay-at-home moms. That probably bucks the national trend, and I’m thrilled to see it in our church, but sometimes I think it’s easy for me and Jeanie to feel a bit isolated — wondering if we’re doing what’s best for our little girl.
(Luke says hi to Maggie)Add to that twinge of guilt all the daily pressures of life — laundry, responsibilities at church, bath time, vacuuming, fussy time, deadlines, taxes, washing bottles and a lawn full — I mean FULL — of dandelions (it’s downright embarrassing) and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Some days I feel like I’m just keeping my head above water. And looking ahead, all I can see is deeper water. (Someday we’re going to have TWO kids, after all!)
It’s a strange mix of joy and fear, hope and anxiety. I keep praying (though not nearly as much as I should) as the days pass. Thankfully, I keep coming back to a set of lyrics from a song by Caedmon’s Call:
My cup runneth over
I worry about the stain
That verse is the brick wall of reality I smack into sometimes. All of the stuff I fret about — from dollars to day care — is the overflow God’s blessings. I worry about managing the abundant resources that most people on this planet don’t have. I know I don’t deserve what I’ve been given, and I know that, in the long run, most of what I’m worrying about doesn’t matter. I get so caught up in the immediate that I forget about the eternal.
Luckily, every grin I get from my little girl is a reminder of God’s eternal love — and just how much my cup overflows.
(Big smile)
10 comments:
She's SO cute!
Guys - you're not alone. The guilt never seeems to go a way, and some people or situations don't make it any easier! But, I like to think that my job outside of home is my mission field. I'm doing something that God has given me a talent for (hopefully!). Jeanie is doing the same thing. God blessed her with in an incredible gift - the opportunity to minister to children and their families, and she's great at it!
After a pretty low point one day, my aunt encouraged me by reminding me that when we ignore God's gifts we deny Him the opportunity to work THROUGH us. Whether we're male or female, God inexplicably gives us unique gifts. Sometimes they pull us in ways we feel are opposite what we've been taught. But His gifts are always good.
Sorry for the sermon & unwanted advice. Hope it is a blessing & not an irritation!
I know Erik, there are times when I have felt like the only mom not staying at home in Edmond and I feel horrible. It's not a financial option to not work but I also get a lot of satisfaction from working. Your little girl is going to grow up so loved and will look up to her parents following their passions.
I definately feel like you guys do! In our class it seems like there are mostly stay at home moms. I only have to leave Viv two days a week and that kills me. Just know that you're not the only ones and that she has great parents who are great at what they do!
I had been practicing as a veterinarian for 4 years when Kate was born. I just couldn't go back to work after that. After a year, I started back to 1 day a week, and now I work 2 days. It is a wonderful break from the house and I don't feel like I am missing out on the kids. Everyone has a routine that works for THEIR family - and that is what counts. Hey, the up side is the kids in daycare sure do potty train FASTER than those at home! :)
You both love Maggie so much and she will see that regardless of daycare. Staying at home doesn't make you a better parent or show your love more, doing what is right for your family does! Using your talents to glorify God will make quite impression on this little blessing.
I enjoyed reading your blog. It's such a tough decision when you feel like you have to choose between your "ministry" and your kids. With just Luke, it wasn't such an either/or proposition, but now that Anna's here, they take up all my time. I have loved helping Greg with the youth ministry these past five years and really getting involved in the lives of hurting teens. With Luke and Anna, however, I finally had to pick a side: either continue reaching out and developing relationships with these teens who need it so much AND (most likely) shortchange my children, OR give that up almost entirely and focus all my time, energy, and talents on Luke and Anna. B/c of the immense amount of time they take, it really was that dramatic. I wish I knew what the right answer was. As for me, I decided to give over the ministry and make my kids my ministry. But as someone who chose that path, I can definitely tell you that there's guilt either way.
-Kim
Thanks to all of you for these comments! Jeanie and have been encouraged greatly by reading them!
hey, I haven't checked out your blog in awhile apparently. Way cool, I feel honored I'm linked on your blog!
Your Maggie is adorable, I think she looks like her mom. (wait, I didn't mean that the wrong way, Erik.)
Isn't parenthood crazy? Jack is 7 1/2 months old and I still see him sitting in our living room and say, "How'd we get a baby?!" I'm afraid someone's going to catch on that we have no idea what in the world we're doing.
But if I'd known being a parent was this much fun, we'd have done this a lot sooner!
Love, Angela and Travis
Hey E & J - I know it has been a long time. I had the chance to read your blog on daycare and Maggie. Tomorrow is our day to take our daughter Kylie to daycare for the first time. I was uplifted knowing that we are not alone. I know Maggie feels the love, because I definitely felt your love for her through your writing. You all are in our prayers.
Shelby and Justin
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