Roger Ebert's job is quite safe, evidently

(by Erik)

Jeanie had a day off from the NICU today, so we went to see the new Wallace and Gromit movie.

We highly recommend the film, although I still think The Wrong Trousers is the claymationed couple’s best work to date.

Every once in a while I feel the need to voice my opinion about films I’ve seen. I recently rented The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a “re-imagined” version of the classic Douglas Adams sci-fi comedy novel. I went to an online movie site and left the following review.

At first I started to write a “normal” review, but then I scrapped it and instead wrote a sort of tribute to Douglas Adams:

“I just now finished watching the DVD — and when I say ‘just now,’ I in fact mean earlier today, but of course I might as well say ‘just now’ because it's the same difference, isn't it?

“I suppose if you're reading this on, say, March 27, 2034, then ‘just now’ is referring to a time nearly 29 years ago when I watched this DVD — which, if you’re living in 2034, likely means nothing to you since DVDs are no doubt obsolete.

“In that case it wouldn't suffice to say ‘just now’ at all, unless you're a member of the insidious Ordothion race of Gamma 12 Zeta, east of Yorkshire.

“Ordothions live to be upward of 2,184,362 years old, and frequently refer to time spans of 29 years as ‘just now.’ “They also refer to periods of 10 years or less as ‘right now’ — and they refer to dachshunds as ‘rather long dogs.’

“Of course it should be pointed out here that the Ordothion year is equal to one-hundredth of a second on Earth, making an Ordothion’s lifespan about 6.067672 hours in earth time. So an Ordothion is quite unlikely to watch The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy since it would take roughly one-third of its natural life.

“Besides that, it’s well known that Ordothions don’t have eyes or ears and “see” using their tongues. They also prefer comedies starring Kate Hudson.

“By the way, I thought the movie was great.”

Last time I checked, the movie review site kindly informed me that “0 of 1 people found this review helpful.”