Revised lyrics to the Law & Order theme song in light of Fred Thompson's departure

(By Erik)

Well, the lack of response to my riveting Baboon Fiction proves that it was simply too far ahead of its time for today’s audiences. Perhaps I should return to the safer waters of TV theme songs.

And, whaddaya know, fate intervenes! Here is the newly revised a cappella theme to TV’s Law & Order in the wake of the news that Fred Thompson is leaving the show and forming a fund-raising committee to consider a possible White House bid.

(Singing …)

Law-aw-aw and Order!
(well-el-el-what-do-you-know)
Doesn’t have Fred Thomp-son!
Well-ell-ell will this show even be worth watching
now that he’s gone campaigning
Whoever will deliver
all of those down home sayings now?
(say-it-isn’t-so)
And Jerry Orbach’s gone forever
(bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow-bow)
Law-aw-aw and Order!
Make McCoy … your vice prez

Now, here’s my list of possible replacements for Fred on Law & Order:

Jill Hennessey: Let’s bring her back, from assistant to Jack McCoy to elected District Attorney. The only complication — they actually killed her off Law & Order. But they can write around that.

Dame Judi Dench: She can play M in the James Bond movies, so why not? She’d be just as good as Diane Wiest was in the part.

Neil Patrick Harris: Doogie Howser, D.A.



Jodie Foster: Trust me, after Flightplan she’ll take the job.



Damon Wayans: Provided he plays him like Major Payne.



Barry Bostwick: He’s been a media-savvy lawyer on the show. Why not? He was the mayor of New York on Spin City.


Tim Curry: Thinking about Barry Bostwick got me thinking about the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I’ve never seen, by the way.

Carrie Fisher: You thought I was going to say Susan Sarandon next, didn’t you?


Bradley Whitford: Presuming he’s not busy filming the second season of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (shouldn’t be an issue).


A CGI likeness of Jerry Orbach: His dialogue would just be wisecracks recycled from previous Law & Order episodes.


James Earl Jones: And they could get him to re-dub the “in the criminal justice system …” voiceover, too. “These are their stories, and this is CNN.”

J.K. Simmons: This would ROCK, provided he did all his lines in the J. Jonah Jameson voice from the Spider Man movies.


Spider Man himself: “I dunno, McCoy, my Spidey sense says you should cut a deal for man-one.”


Judge Lance Ito: Hey, a real-life judge! It’s not like he’s doing anything else.


And of course ...



Shatner: No explanation required.









But my top, number-one pick has to be the legendary John Cleese — provided he enters the office every episode in the manner depicted below.