Friday, August 10, 2007

Playing 'Tag'

(By Erik)

Bobby and then Stacey both recently challenged us in a game of Internet “tag.” The object of this game is to post eight random facts about yourself to your blog, and then to tag eight additional people and force them to perform the same activity, thereby assuring that the Internet will be filled with random facts, and that no one will have access to useful information — such as tables depicting the number of ways Chuck Norris can perform a roundhouse kick to the face.

I personally approach such games with suspicion, for I am almost sure they were initiated by identity thieves. Why else, I ask you, would they require eight random facts? It is a well-known truth that the human mind is capable of generating only five — plus or minus two — random facts at a time. Requiring eight almost assures that the writer will, in fact, run out of facts. Then, in a moment of weakness, he will type out his credit card number as his final fact to be done with the activity. Point, game and match, you crafty thieves.

The rules of this contest are heretofore given, as the reprinting of them is a requirement of this time-consuming activity.

1. Players start with eight random facts about themselves.

2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their eight random facts.

3. Players should tag eight other people and notify them they have been tagged.

Seems that there also should be eight rules for this exercise. Nonetheless …

1. If money were no object, I’d have lots of it. Lots and lots of it.

2. I’m often accused of ruining the plots of movies I haven’t seen.

3. Whenever I eat at Red Lobster, I pretend I’m eating at a Red Lobster across town.

4. There are 28.5 other things I should be doing right now instead of this.

5. In his epic poem “The Waste Land,” T.S. Eliot wrote, “April is the cruelest month.” He was, of course, lying. The cruelest month was, in fact, Bodgvember. This cruelest of months, which fell between August and September, was deemed so cruel that it was removed from the calendar entirely in the 1980s. During this month, wars began, cars stalled, babies cried and antelopes around the world looked just a bit sadder than they usually do. Bodgvember, though it was only eight days long, had a reputation for cruelty so great that people would put themselves into prolonged states of hibernation for its duration. “Don’t bother me, it’s Bodgvember,” became a popular door hanger slogan, although it led to a slew of home invasions and burglaries, which, of course, only affirmed the month’s utter cruelty. Hitler, Stalin and Carrot Top were born in Bodgvember. Finally, in a top-secret meeting in the Hague, the leaders of the free world banned together to eliminate Bodgvember and erase its memory from everyone’s mind. (Contrary to popular belief, freemasons had nothing to do with this, nor did the Osmonds.) The eight days of Bodgvember were split between August and September, which is why, during those days (Aug. 28-31 and Sept. 1-4) many people find themselves incapable of enjoying life, or at least incapable of enjoying any sort of gelatin-based dessert.

6. That previous random fact had nothing to do with me personally.

7. I am not allowed within 200 feet of Joe Don Baker. A court order prevents me from discussing why.

8. My credit card number is 8976 9876 5432 1110.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's funny. I always thought Carrot Top was one word, i.e., Carrottop or perhaps Carrotop for short. You know like threshold originally was "thresh hold" which is of course a thing that holds thresh. However, over time the two words meshed together as "threshhold"; however, so many people left out the second "h" that they (Webster, I guess) just gave up and thus we have thresholds. I suspect something similar happened with Carrottop.

Pa

EandJTrygg said...

Dad:

I checked, and according to carrottop.com it's two words — Carrot Top. I also discovered that some people actually pay money to see him.

Anonymous said...

Oh, okay since that very important concern is cleared up, the rest of your list made sense to me. In fact, it borders on perfection.
Pa

Amy said...

Was bodgmitten invented and/or played in Bodgvember? I realize most would find that question nonsensical, but I am confident you will have an answer.

Stacey said...

What's the limit on that credit card?

EandJTrygg said...

Dunno. I stole it from Carrot Top. -- ET